I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
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