A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
