I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
