they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
