where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
