He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
