Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
