p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
