I think im going to throw up on grandma
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
the day after is always just damage control
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
