Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
We are two peas in an std pod
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
