Redeem this text for a blowjob
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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