I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
