sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
