Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
