Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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