If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
