Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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