is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
