I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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