My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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