My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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