How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
it's like iHOP with fire
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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