she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
