I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
