ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
this boner is exhausting
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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