matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
