he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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