i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
