Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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