just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
