I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
