just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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