I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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