True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
