I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
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