I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
