dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
