On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
