I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
