Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
