i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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