puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
