When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
