Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
false alarm. still invincible.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
