saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
its not stalking. its research.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
