on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
