are you so shy because you have an std?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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