hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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