maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
