after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
