he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
