he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
The power of my boobs compel you
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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