Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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