My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
