I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
