My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
