My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
