Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
